Sometimes you want to go fly fishing and life gets right in your face and yells you back to reality. Work, school, kids, weather; whatever the reason for not going fishing, there’s always an excuse you can use to get out of it and hit the water instead.
To help you ditch those meetings we’ve created a list of bulletproof excuses you can use any time your boss is being completely unreasonable about you wanting to go fishing first thing on Monday morning instead. Don’t they get it? We’re sure that 60% of the time, these excuses work every time.
1) Doctor’s Appointment
This is the oldest trick in the book for a reason, it works. The key to this is to make sure you space out the “appointments” so it doesn’t look like you’re having so many operations that you might as well just get a cyborg body. Although, how would they stop you after that happened?
Another way to make this excuse an absolute home run is to make the procedure that you’re going for so embarrassing that it’s impossible to argue with. If you tell the higher ups something crazy weird and embarrassing they’ll not only never want to talk about it, they might even give you an extra day or two off to help them forget you ever brought it up. Perfect.
Like the doctor’s appointment, you don’t want to give the impression that all of your friends and family have died within the same week. They’ll either know you’re lying and going fishing instead or it’ll be assumed that you’re a wise guy and you’re just whacking everyone. That might also be a good thing; you don’t argue with a wise guy.
The trick is to keep the relation of person who “passed away” as vague as possible. You don’t want the bean crunchers to be able to go into their books and see that 43 grandmothers have died in the last two years, or they’ll start to suspect something. Maybe.
3) Just Don’t Show Up
Like in Office Space, if you work at a big enough company some people might not even notice that you’re going. Of course this one is the riskiest, but it’s also the most effective as you can do it once a month if you’re careful.
Sure you may get caught, but then you can just use one of the other excuses. They say it’s better to ask for forgiveness than for permission. Who says that? The people that are fly fishing instead of working, that’s who.
4) Invite Your Boss
If you can pull this off, not only will your boss start asking to go fishing instead of work, but you’ll also create a relationship that makes you 100% irreplaceable. Sure Mark in accounting is twice the worker you are, but he doesn’t fly fish. He’s useless!
When it comes down to it your job isn’t about performance, it’s about how well liked you are; life is a popularity contest masquerading as a rat race. If you’re the one everybody wants to fish with, you’re the one that will have the best job security around–even if you’re on the water instead of in all the meetings.
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